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巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個(gè)危險(xiǎn)的癥狀[原創(chuàng)]

第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個(gè)危險(xiǎn)的癥狀

我們清楚，男人是理性的，女人是感性的。有足夠多的文章描摹了這一現(xiàn)象。然而，我注意到，我們中的許多人似乎認(rèn)為，脫離自己的情感，意味著冷靜、冷靜和理性的存在，就像斯波克在《星際迷航》中那樣。我向你們保證，這離真理不遠(yuǎn)了。沒有這種理解，我們常常會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)某人的自知之明是與現(xiàn)實(shí)的激烈沖突。

我在中國長大，直到我大學(xué)畢業(yè)的時(shí)候離開。這是一種比較普遍的情況。

我成長的家庭是一個(gè)非常嚴(yán)格的家庭。我父親總是把理性、理性的思想替代我教育中的任何情感。在成長過程中，我在青春期經(jīng)歷了強(qiáng)烈的情感攻擊，就像每個(gè)人一樣。我父親非常嚴(yán)厲的批評(píng)，因此房子里的每個(gè)人都很不高興。我不怪我父親得出的結(jié)論。然而，在那時(shí)，我沒有任何工具，也沒有足夠的理解來處理這個(gè)問題。

我總是記起在大約16歲的仲夏夜，一個(gè)家庭的散步。經(jīng)過一個(gè)非常炎熱和乏味的一天，我的父母和我決定出去散步。由于某種原因，我記不起來了，我一直很不開心，很激動(dòng)。就在回家之前，我爸爸讓我媽媽走在前面，叫我停下來談?wù)?。他指出，我的情緒讓每個(gè)人都感到痛苦，這是我需要面對(duì)的問題。他用一句話結(jié)束了這個(gè)話題：世界上沒有人值得接受你的情感垃圾。如果你有問題，先解決，然后我們?cè)僬?。從現(xiàn)在起，房子里就不應(yīng)該發(fā)牢騷了。

我總是記起這個(gè)談話。從那時(shí)起，我開始掩飾自己的情感表達(dá)。我像父親一樣崇拜理性，貶低情感、情緒和感情等。許多年后，我一度不知不覺地阻斷了我自己的情感。我為自己感到驕傲，認(rèn)為自己是一個(gè)近乎完美的理性的人，不受情感的干擾，總是專注于眼前的具體問題，從而迅速找到解決辦法。哦，孩子，我錯(cuò)了。由于流行的電視節(jié)目和電影，與他自己的情感脫節(jié)的人總是以他的情感缺席的方式呈現(xiàn)，比如斯波克。斷線與缺席有很大區(qū)別！原因很簡單，據(jù)我所知，一個(gè)健康的人絕不能消除情緒。也就是說，它們總是在那里，晝夜不停地奔跑。

所以現(xiàn)在最大的問題出現(xiàn)了：由于我的情感脫節(jié)，我一點(diǎn)也不自由。在我的腦海里，我的自我形象是一個(gè)追求理性和邏輯的人，他總是保持冷靜，專注于手邊的關(guān)鍵問題。然而，現(xiàn)實(shí)完全是另一回事。我周圍的人會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我很幼稚，難以捉摸，情緒激動(dòng)，很難應(yīng)付。你會(huì)說這是個(gè)諷刺。但這種情況有更深層次的原因。

當(dāng)我們說一個(gè)人與他的情感脫節(jié)時(shí)，隱含的信息是，對(duì)于這個(gè)人來說，他的自我和他的情感之間有一個(gè)鴻溝。然而，“自我”這個(gè)部分通常定義不好。因?yàn)槿绻闵钊胪诰?，你?huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)自我意識(shí)是理性大腦的一部分。在俗語中，自我是自我意識(shí)，它是由理性思維（例如語言技能）所體現(xiàn)的。

在這種情況下，我們可以看到，如果一個(gè)人的情感被切斷，他的實(shí)際意義就是他的理智和情感根本沒有聯(lián)系。這種不幸的情況將意味著這個(gè)人所經(jīng)歷的所有情感都沒有被他的理智（自我意識(shí)）所處理和接受。在這種情況下，悲傷的現(xiàn)實(shí)是，一個(gè)人完全服從他自己的情感，卻從未意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)。在大多數(shù)情況下，這對(duì)他自己的社交生活和他周圍的人來說都是非常麻煩的。

所以結(jié)論，請(qǐng)注意你的理智和情感之間的聯(lián)系，因?yàn)檫@是一個(gè)完整而完整的生命的關(guān)鍵。長命百歲！

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

We know all too well the stereotype that men are rational, and women are emotional. There’re more than enough internet memes that depict this phenomenon. However, I’ve noticed that many of us seem to think that being disconnected of one’s emotion means cool, calm and a rational being like Spock in Star Trek. I assure you that this cannot be further away from the truth. Without this understanding, we often find that someone’s self-knowledge is in intense conflict with reality.

I grew up in China until I graduated from college. This is a more common situation.

It is a generally pragmatic culture. In addition, the household where I grew up was a very strict one. My father has always preached reason, rational thinking as superior than any sort of emotion in my education. While growing up, I was experiencing strong emotional attacks during adolescence like literally everyone. This was very harshly criticized by my father as it was unpleasant for everyone in the house. I don’t blame my father for this conclusion. However, back then, I didn’t have any tools nor enough understanding of the problem to deal with it properly.

I always remember a family promenade in a mid-summer night when I was about 16 years old. After a very hot and dull day, my parents and I decided to go out for a walk. For some reason that I couldn’t remember, I was very unhappy and agitated during the whole time. Right before going home, my dad let my mum walk in front and called me to stop for a talk. He pointed out that my mood was making everybody suffer and that’s a problem I need to deal with. He ended that talk with one sentence: nobody in the world deserves to receive your emotional junk. If you have a problem, solve it first, then we’ll talk. There should be no grumble in the house from now on.

I always remember this talk. Ever since, I started to cover my emotional expressions. I worshipped reason like my father, and belittled emotion, mood and feelings, etc. Many years later, I was at a point that I unconsciously blocked all the emotions that are going on in myself. I was so proud of myself thinking that I was a near perfect rational being, who did not get disturbed by emotions and could always concentrate on the concrete problem at hand and thus find solutions quickly. Oh boy was I wrong. Due to popular TV shows and movies, the guy that is disconnected to his own emotions are always presented in a way that his emotions are absent, like Spock. There is a huge difference between disconnection and absence! The reason is simple, as far as I know, a healthy human being can by no means be rid of emotions. That is to say, they are always there and running around the clock.

So now the big problem appears: being disconnected to my emotions, I am not at all free of it. While in my head, my self-image is a guy who pursues reason and logic, who always keeps his cool and concentrate on the key issue at hand. The reality however, is completely another story. People around me would find that I am very immature, unpredictable, highly emotional and very difficult to deal with. Such an irony, you’d say. But there’s a deeper reason for this situation.

When we say that one is disconnected to his emotions, the implicit message is that for this very person, there’s a gap between his self and his emotions. However, the part “self” is usually poorly defined. Because if you dig a bit deeper, you’ll see that the awareness of self is part of the rational brain. In layman’s term, oneself is the self-awareness, which is embodied by rational thinking (language skills, for example).

Under this light, we can see that if someone’s disconnected of his emotions, the actual meaning is that his reason and emotion are not linked at all. This unfortunate situation would mean that all the emotions that this person experiences are not processed and accepted by his reason (self-awareness) at all. The sad reality in this case would be, a person who is completely submissive to his own emotions without ever realizing it at all. In most cases, this would be very problematic for his own social life and painful for people around him.

So the conclusion, please take care of the connection between your reason and emotion, for this is the key of a fulfilled and complete life. Live long and prosper!

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內(nèi)容簡介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學(xué)講座中挑選出來的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學(xué)講座，在法國、美國青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國現(xiàn)代書畫藝術(shù)評(píng)論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認(rèn)識(shí)法國》《雷歐帶你認(rèn)識(shí)巴黎》等書籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現(xiàn)系巴黎遠(yuǎn)東文化藝術(shù)協(xié)會(huì)負(fù)責(zé)人，巴黎遠(yuǎn)東藝術(shù)館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權(quán)交易機(jī)構(gòu)負(fù)責(zé)人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經(jīng)巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個(gè)假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個(gè)危險(xiǎn)的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因?yàn)槿狈Ω行?/p>

第八講 強(qiáng)烈感覺與自我意識(shí)

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環(huán)境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學(xué)國際經(jīng)濟(jì)研究生畢業(yè)，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經(jīng)理及新浪歐洲財(cái)經(jīng)特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長》《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠(yuǎn)東文化藝術(shù)》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術(shù)評(píng)論》（法，3卷）《簡明國際商務(wù)》（考研輔導(dǎo)用書）《國際談判哲學(xué)》（法）《國際談判實(shí)務(wù)》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐