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《情緒管理十二講》第二講 給你的“自律”放個(gè)假[原創(chuàng)]

第二講 給你的“自律”放個(gè)假

我上個(gè)世紀(jì)90年代在中國長(zhǎng)大，那是一個(gè)瘋狂的時(shí)代，其文化以其對(duì)自律的癡迷而聞名。正如你所知道的，國家反腐敗的萬能武器，你猜對(duì)了，就是靠政治家自律。在我的早期生活中，我自己有一個(gè)非常有趣的跟自律相關(guān)的經(jīng)歷，我想與大家分享。

在小學(xué)和初中，當(dāng)時(shí)的班級(jí)學(xué)生是非常多的。我小學(xué)班里大約有70個(gè)同學(xué)，全校一共有50個(gè)班。根據(jù)今天的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，我所就讀的學(xué)校配置的設(shè)備看起來讓人傷心。

然而，有一種現(xiàn)象多年來一直吸引著我。每個(gè)教室都有一前一后兩個(gè)木門?，F(xiàn)在想象一下，70個(gè)或更多的精力旺盛的孩子每天都在無數(shù)次的瘋狂中沖出去。很明顯，這個(gè)程度的過度使用并不是這些門的設(shè)計(jì)者所提前預(yù)料到的。

更有趣的，不是門的磨損速度有多快，而是我的學(xué)校提出的減少巨額木門維修支出的策略。從校長(zhǎng)到全體教師，每年都開展大規(guī)模的紀(jì)律運(yùn)動(dòng)。在每周一次的學(xué)校典禮，甚至每一次班會(huì)上，老師都會(huì)反復(fù)告訴我們：上課下課出入教室的時(shí)候不要跑。最重要的是，不要用你的腳來打開和關(guān)上門。

現(xiàn)在，我想你已經(jīng)猜到了最有趣的部分：紀(jì)律要求從來沒有起作用，即使違反紀(jì)律要被懲罰。在我年輕的頭腦中，我不知不覺地附和了我們的老師和所有長(zhǎng)輩們的共同觀點(diǎn)：我們是一個(gè)災(zāi)難性的年輕一代，紀(jì)律渙散，如此下去，人類的未來一片黯淡。

很多年過去之后，我來到了法國。我本以為曾經(jīng)這一段跟自律有關(guān)的經(jīng)歷就會(huì)這樣淡去。然而，就像絕大多數(shù)的新手旅行者，我被當(dāng)?shù)夭宛^里完全看不懂的菜單震懾住了。因此做了一個(gè)非常大眾的決定：去麥當(dāng)勞吃午飯。享用了通過自助點(diǎn)餐臺(tái)買的漢堡之后，我去了洗手間。令我大吃一驚的是，我親眼目睹了一件讓我有巨大改觀的事情：浴室有一個(gè)沉重的，低調(diào)的木門，我自然而然就想起了曾經(jīng)學(xué)校破舊的門。但是在這個(gè)門的底部有一塊閃閃發(fā)亮的不銹鋼板。人們走來走去，隨意地用腳打開門，也許是因?yàn)樗麄兊氖衷谑褂酶娠L(fēng)機(jī)之后也仍然有點(diǎn)濕。門一直在開和關(guān)，比我以前的班級(jí)門開關(guān)更加頻繁。但每一次，當(dāng)有人用他或她的腳開門時(shí)，不銹鋼板就會(huì)被擦拭一遍，更加閃閃發(fā)亮。那一刻，我心中古老的亞洲智慧覺醒了。

我知道我見證的就是我的祖先所贊美的和諧。我的頓悟其實(shí)很簡(jiǎn)單。也許我們應(yīng)該停止總把自己在生活中的種種不如意歸咎于自律的不足。也許通過適當(dāng)?shù)姆治龊徒鈽?gòu)，再加以創(chuàng)造性思維，你會(huì)驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)自己可以達(dá)到一個(gè)全新的境界：不靠自律，亦能平穩(wěn)和諧。

Give your poor self-discipline a break

I grew up back inChinain the 90s. It was a mad time in that culture which is generally known for its obsession for self-discipline. As you might know, the almighty weapon that the state has against corruption was, you guessed it, the self-discipline of statesmen. I myself, had a very interesting experience with the concept of self-discipline in my early days that I want to share with you now.

In primary schools and junior middle schools, students were very numerous back then. I had around 70 classmates in primary school and there were around 50 classes altogether. The equipment of the school that I attended could easily make you sad according to today’s standard.

However, there was one phenomenon that intrigued me the most over the years. Every classroom had 2 wooden doors, front and back. Now imagine the situation, 70 or more energetic children rushed in and out during each break countless times every day. You can see how fast the doors would wear from this excessive usage that it has never been designed to handle.

But what’s more interesting is not how fast the doors got worn, but the strategy that my school had come up with to reduce this financial strain. From the principal to all the teachers, huge waves of discipline campaign were launched each year. During weekly school ceremony and even each class meeting, teachers would repeatedly tell us: do not run when going inside or outside the classroom. Most importantly, do not open and close the door with your foot.

Now, I think you’ve already guessed the amusing part: It never worked, even when there was punishment for violating these rules. In my young head, I unconsciously seconded with the popular opinion shared by our teachers and all elders: we were a catastrophic younger generation that was so poorly disciplined, and there was no hope for humanity.

I thought I would never made anything else out of this episode until many years later, when I came toFrance. As any rookie traveler, I was perfectly intimidated by the menu in the local restaurants that I couldn’t understand a single word. So I did something that we’ve all done: going to McDonald’s for lunch. After enjoying my meal ordered from the self-service machine free of human interaction, I went to the bathroom. There, to my great amazement, I witnessed something that changed everything. The bathroom has a heavy, low-key wooden door. It reminds me of the old days that I’m not particularly proud of. But there’s a shiny and sturdy stainless-steel plate fixed at the bottom of the door. People come and go, casually open the door with their foot, mostly because their hands were a bit moisture even after using hand dryer. The door opens and closes all the time, no less frequent than the ones of my old classroom. Except that each time, when someone opens it with his or her foot, the stainless-steel plate gets a bit shinier. At that moment, the ancient Asian wisdom in my heart has woken up. I knew what I saw was what my ancestors called harmony.

So my take away on this is fairly simple. Maybe it would be helpful to stop automatically blaming your self-discipline for what you haven’t achieved in life. For with proper analysis, and some out of the box thinking, you may find yourself in a brand-new situation with an open bar of harmony from universe.

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學(xué)講座中挑選出來的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學(xué)講座，在法國、美國青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國現(xiàn)代書畫藝術(shù)評(píng)論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認(rèn)識(shí)法國》《雷歐帶你認(rèn)識(shí)巴黎》等書籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現(xiàn)系巴黎遠(yuǎn)東文化藝術(shù)協(xié)會(huì)負(fù)責(zé)人，巴黎遠(yuǎn)東藝術(shù)館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權(quán)交易機(jī)構(gòu)負(fù)責(zé)人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經(jīng)巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個(gè)假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個(gè)危險(xiǎn)的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因?yàn)槿狈Ω行?/p>

第八講 強(qiáng)烈感覺與自我意識(shí)

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環(huán)境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡(jiǎn)介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學(xué)國際經(jīng)濟(jì)研究生畢業(yè)，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經(jīng)理及新浪歐洲財(cái)經(jīng)特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長(zhǎng)》《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠(yuǎn)東文化藝術(shù)》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術(shù)評(píng)論》（法，3卷）《簡(jiǎn)明國際商務(wù)》（考研輔導(dǎo)用書）《國際談判哲學(xué)》（法）《國際談判實(shí)務(wù)》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐